If compliments make you feel super awkward, this comic is for you

5 days ago

Why it's truthful difficult to judge compliments

Love your outfit! Great presentation! Cool glasses! When personification praises you, do you judge it? Or disregard it?

Your guidance says a batch astir really you consciousness astir yourself, and it tin impact really nan different personification feels too, opportunity researchers.

Social scientist Erica Boothby and behavioral intelligence Xuan Zhao explicate nan subject of compliments — and make nan lawsuit for accepting someone's benignant remarks astir you.

Many of america are bad astatine taking compliments.

We deflect, negate, frost up and sometimes visibly cringe.

When there’s a disconnect betwixt really we spot ourselves and really others spot us, that tin beryllium uncomfortable, says Erica Boothby, a societal psychologist.

Compliments tin beryllium particularly challenging for group who struggle pinch self-esteem, says Xuan Zhao, a behavioral scientist. They whitethorn consciousness for illustration they don’t merit nan praise. On nan different manus … “High self-esteem group person an easier clip receiving compliments because it’s accordant pinch really they comprehend themselves," says Zhao.

Culture tin beryllium a facet too, Zhao says. For example, successful immoderate Asian cultures, accepting a compliment tin make you look boastful aliases overconfident.

However, present successful nan United States, compliments are seen arsenic an unconditional gift, Zhou says. The giver is not expecting you to …
... praise them backmost
… warrant their compliment
… salary them backmost successful different way

Declining a compliment tin besides make nan giver consciousness rejected.

“When you person a compliment, nan reward circuit of your encephalon lights up, arsenic if you were receiving money.” Zhao says.

The aforesaid goes for giving compliments, Zhao says. “It helps you spot nan bully things astir you better.”

If nan tone moves you, you mightiness effort paying a genuine compliment to personification else.

If you’re worried it mightiness make personification consciousness awkward, Zhou’s investigation shows it lands amended than you think.

Boothby and Zhou stock proposal connected …

How to springiness a awesome compliment

Be specific. Say precisely what you liked and really it had a affirmative effect connected you. It tin make nan compliment consciousness much genuine.
Do it successful backstage if you deliberation a personification mightiness consciousness awkward astir getting praised successful public.
Be sincere. Don’t mince your words aliases effort to walk disconnected your praise arsenic a joke.
Don't clasp backmost for fearfulness of saying precisely nan correct thing, nan correct way, astatine nan correct time.

This comic was edited by ocular editor Beck Harlan. We'd emotion to perceive from you. Leave america a voicemail astatine 202-216-9823, aliases email america astatine LifeKit@npr.org.

Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and motion up for our newsletter.