Kesha Says Singing 'Praying' at Grammys amid Lawsuit Was a 'Headf---.' Why It Still Feels 'Complicated' (Exclusive)

Kesha's "Praying" capacity astatine nan 2018 Grammys was a triumphant moment.

The popular star, 38, was joined by Cyndi Lauper, Camila Cabello, Bebe Rexha, Andra Day and nan Resistance Revival Chorus for her tearful rendition of nan deed powerfulness ballad, released amid her astir 10-year-long ineligible conflict pinch shaper Lukasz "Dr. Luke" Gottwald. Looking backmost connected nan capacity now comes pinch a batch of emotions for Kesha.

"Being surrounded by those iconic performers and emotion truthful supported by my organization of those women connected that shape was truthful powerful," Kesha, whose caller medium . (PERIOD) is retired now, tells PEOPLE successful this week's issue. "Not only for me, but for anybody other who relates to immoderate portion of my story."

The lead azygous disconnected Kesha's Rainbow album, "Praying" was released successful 2017 and featured lyrics astir overcoming hardship and sending a connection to personification who played a domiciled successful nan difficult situation.

"You brought nan flames and you put maine done hellhole / I had to study really to conflict for myself / And we some cognize each nan truth I could show / I'll conscionable opportunity this is I wish you farewell / I dream you're location praying," she sings connected nan track, which peaked astatine No. 22 connected nan Billboard Hot 100 and is certified five-times platinum by nan RIAA.

The opus arrived aft Kesha sued Gottwald successful 2014 based connected allegations of sexual, affectional and beingness abuse. He denied nan claims and revenge a countersuit nan aforesaid year. In 2016, her claims were dismissed by a judge due to nan alleged events falling extracurricular of nan statute of limitations. They settled his suit retired of tribunal successful 2023.

Taking nan shape astatine nan Grammys felt hopeful. "That was a beautiful infinitesimal for maine to recognize that these different artists person my back, and were lending their astonishing talents to literally person my backmost successful a capacity that was truthful scary for me," she says.

At 1 constituent during nan performance, Lauper placed her manus connected Kesha's shoulder. "I genuinely felt truthful supported successful that moment, successful a clip erstwhile I really needed support," she explains.

"I was successful nan midst of nan messiness still," says Kesha. "So, to spell and singing astir it erstwhile it was presently happening, was really a headf--- because it was some beautiful but besides truthful difficult."

Following nan "Praying" performance, speech was sparked astir nan thought that nan Grammys gave Kesha a level without taking a awesome guidelines amid nan Time's Up movement.

"I person immoderate analyzable emotions astir that [discourse] and that performance," says Kesha, who was nominated for Best Pop Solo Performance pinch "Praying" and Best Pop Vocal Album pinch Rainbow astatine nan aforesaid ceremony. "But I will say, I'm proud of myself and I'm really appreciative for each of nan different artists that had my back. That will enactment pinch maine forever, to my grave."

Of course, 2018 was besides nan twelvemonth erstwhile Recording Academy president Neil Portnow said women request to "step up" successful bid to gain Grammys recognition. He later apologized and stepped down from nan statement nan adjacent year.

For Kesha, Rainbow served arsenic a measurement to process her acquisition some personally and artistically. "The absorbing point astir being an creator is you tin beryllium nan personification going done hellhole and besides nan personification that walks into nan studio, like, 'I'm going to make judge you get done this. We're going to constitute a banger because it brings america joy,'" she says. "It’s almost for illustration I'm picking myself up retired of nan sad moments I'm in."

On Friday, July 4, Kesha released . (PERIOD) done her ain Kesha Records. It's her first task since nan extremity of some nan ineligible conflict and her long-held statement pinch Sony Music, and she feels much liberated than ever.

"For this section I really wanted to seizure nan moments wherever I felt liberated, safe, happy, playful, hot, horny, but each of it was coming from a full place; I consciousness very whole," she says. "Now each of my power gets to attraction backmost connected my existent purpose—helping group consciousness seen, loved, safe and f---ing entertained arsenic hell. My powerfulness is each backmost successful my hands, and I’m excited."

For much connected Kesha, prime up nan latest rumor of PEOPLE, connected newsstands everyplace Friday, aliases subscribe here.

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