Dear Abby: I just met my brother’s daughter who no one knew existed

DEAR ABBY: I had my DNA analyzed and subsequently received a connection from a young female (a stranger) connected nan site. Her DNA matches astatine nan level of a niece. Her connection said she did not cognize her father, and her mother hasn’t been clear connected that subject. Her mother “met a guy” backmost successful early 1990. She was calved later that year. She believes I’m her uncle and asked if I cognize immoderate antheral relatives who could beryllium her father. I responded, letting her cognize I’d get backmost to her. 

When I said pinch my brother, he corroborated specifications successful her connection astir gathering her mother, which was a hookup. The news of a girl he ne'er knew astir is overwhelming for him arsenic he presently has a kid, and his woman is pregnant again. (He besides has an big girl from a erstwhile marriage.) I person not yet responded to this female arsenic I await my brother’s determination astir really he wants to proceed. What proposal do you person astir really I should respond to my “niece”? — MAYBE UNCLE IN TEXAS

DEAR MAYBE UNCLE: You should not beryllium nan middleman from now on. Respond to nan young female by telling her you are giving her interaction accusation to your brother. Once you person done that, you should fto him determine really to grip it from there. 

DEAR ABBY: I person a persecution complex. I cognize wherever it comes from. My mother many times told maine really disfigured I was arsenic a child. Recently, I was going done immoderate unsmooth times. My sister, whom I was successful complaint of, had a monolithic changeable and subsequently died. I’d had to return attraction of her, and I resented it. When she had nan stroke, I began reminiscing, and not each of nan memories were bully ones. 

I happened upon a image of my family taken erstwhile I was 10. My older sisters and parents were besides successful nan photo. When I showed nan photograph to my friend, her guidance near maine speechless. She practically threw nan telephone down and said, “What an disfigured family! Your mother is disfigured and fat, and your begetter is ugly, too!” She continued pinch much of nan same. Other than that, she’s a benignant and giving friend. 

I can’t get complete what she said because I cognize I’m disfigured and I dislike being so. But if we were truthful offensive, why would she beryllium friends pinch me? We are now successful our 60s, truthful “beauty” is successful nan rear window. But really do I woody pinch her erstwhile she asks why I person go truthful distant without putting myself down further? — TAKEN ABACK IN FLORIDA

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Excuse me, but “kind and giving” group do not make nasty comments astir their friends’ relatives’ beingness appearance. What she did was off-the-charts unpleasant, and your guidance is normal. If your “friend” asks why you person been distant lately, show her really shocked you were by her hurtful comments astir nan family picture. Not everyone is blessed pinch beingness beauty, but galore group are considered beautiful because of nan kindness that shines from within.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, besides known arsenic Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby astatine http://www.DearAbby.com aliases P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.