Dear Abby: My alcoholic sister blames me for our dad’s suicide

DEAR ABBY: My begetter died by termination 3 years ago. My sister, who was initially supportive, later drunk-dialed our mother and said a bunch of nasty things astir her and me. Mom didn’t trim nan speech short and later told maine what was said, which included that Dad had done it because my different sister and I are “unstable” and because he was sick. 

I haven’t talked to my alcoholic sister for a fewer years now. She antecedently ruined a family vacation pinch a different drunken outburst. She besides squandered immoderate money I had fixed her for a car. I want to face her, but I cognize she’ll deny, deflect it backmost and effort to reproach me. I person nary clip for this. 

I americium abnormal pinch terrible recurrent slump and anxiety. I was nan 1 who recovered Dad aft nan suicide, and it profoundly affected me. I’m floored that not only would my sister not understand this, but that she’d proceed backbiting me. 

Should I scope retired and show her why I haven’t answered her texts from correct aft it happened? (She doesn’t talk connected nan phone, only texts.) — SON/BROTHER IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SON/BROTHER: Please judge my deepest sympathy for nan tragic nonaccomplishment of your father. I can’t ideate nan grade of daze and trauma uncovering him must person caused you. By now, you must recognize that your sister is not a good woman. Whoever has been telling you astir nan nasty things she has been saying astir you should beryllium told you nary longer want to perceive it. This includes your mother. As for confronting your sister, I urge against it. She isn’t going to change. If you haven’t been receiving thief for your ain issues, it’s clip to scope retired for some. You are entitled to it. And, for your ain sake, proceed to debar your sister and her toxicity.

DEAR ABBY: My woman and I person been joined for 40 years. Her 42-year-old boy came to unrecorded pinch america 4 months ago. He has ne'er worked successful his life and does nothing. I’m supporting him now. Tonight, my woman told me, “Don’t hide astir nan trash. The pickup comes early successful nan morning, and I cognize you don’t want to get up astatine 5 to put it out.” I said, “Have your boy do it. He doesn’t do thing isolated from slumber each time and eat each night.” “Well, he’s successful furniture already,” she responded. So I took nan trash retired and vanished nan dishes. He walked past maine to spell extracurricular and person a cigaret (that I bought). Am I incorrect to beryllium mad? My woman says I’m wrong. — IMPOSED UPON IN NORTH DAKOTA

DEAR IMPOSED UPON: You opportunity nan boy is 42, and you person been joined to his mother since he was 2. Who raised him? Was he pinch his father? Is location thing incorrect pinch him that you omitted from your letter? Why is he surviving pinch you? Why hasn’t he recovered a occupation truthful he could lend to his room and board? 

When you pointed retired that because you are supporting her son, HE and not you should return retired nan garbage, she should person awakened him and informed him his thief was needed. For your liking (and his), put your ft down. You not only person nan correct to beryllium mad, but you besides person nan correct to make your feelings known.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, besides known arsenic Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby astatine http://www.DearAbby.com aliases P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

If you are struggling pinch suicidal thoughts aliases are experiencing a intelligence wellness crisis, you tin telephone aliases matter 988 aliases chat astatine 988lifeline.org for free and confidential situation counseling.