Dear Abby: My husband has completely changed since taking a government job

DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Andy,” and I person been together 25 years, joined for 16. We person 3 kids ages 14, 11 and 9.

Our matrimony has ever been a happy one. Andy began a authorities occupation 5 years ago, and aft 2 years, he was walking a lot.

Once he started walking truthful often, I had a difficult clip adjusting to being everything for my kids and not having his support, and he began to resent maine for getting truthful upset each clip he left. Travel was not expected to beryllium portion of nan job.

We person had immense fights. Andy is drinking a lot, and I recovered retired he had an affair. This has been a immense characteristic alteration for him.

The man I joined would ne'er person had an matter aliases treated maine nan measurement he has. My hubby is angry and distant each nan time.

We are successful counseling and trying to fig retired if we person thing near to salvage of our narration and for our kids. I support getting mixed signals astir wherever Andy stands.

In immoderate conversations, he’s each in. In others, it’s for illustration he tin hardly look astatine me, for illustration I did thing wrong. Am I a fool for trying to activity this out? — MAKING AN EFFORT IN LOUISIANA

DEAR MAKING: You are not a fool; you consciousness your matrimony is thing worthy fighting for. I’m gladsome you are successful counseling together.

That your hubby is consenting to do this pinch you is simply a affirmative sign. Andy is having problem looking you successful nan oculus because he feels guilty.

Some subjects that should beryllium raised during immoderate of your associated counseling sessions are whether nan origin of his ambivalence is that his matter isn’t wholly over, really important that authorities occupation is to nan use of your family and whether each of his accrued recreation was much related to nan female he was seeing than to his job. You person my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: For 35 years, I person liked a feline I met astatine church. He was nan minister. We ne'er dated, though I developed a beardown attraction to him.

He lied astir his individual life and past ran disconnected and sewage joined without telling anyone he had been engaged nan full time, which near maine wounded and heartbroken.

Since then, I person dated different men, but while I whitethorn person physically moved on, I haven’t managed to do it emotionally.

I person carried these feelings toward him for truthful long, and they person grown moreover stronger since I became azygous again. I’m not judge why.

He’s acold beyond my grasp, and I’m excessively frightened to scope retired to him. We unrecorded successful different states. Is this yearning for him normal? Could I beryllium successful emotion pinch him aliases is it lust? — LOVESICK IN WASHINGTON

DEAR LOVESICK: I don’t deliberation it is either one. I deliberation you are successful emotion pinch nan imagination of having a narration pinch an idealized personification upon whom you person projected values he didn’t unrecorded by.

For immoderate people, this seems safer than nan challenges of a narration pinch a existent person, flaws and all. What you are doing is wasting your time.

If you really want to person personification successful your life, consign this crush to nan past and attraction connected nan future.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, besides known arsenic Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby astatine DearAbby.com aliases P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.