2 days ago
That’s showbiz, baby.
Taylor Swift’s 12th workplace album, “The Life of a Showgirl,” has been delivered unto us.
Because sometimes we get bully things — and because this gal is thing if not an Easter ovum birthing, number-venerating designer of her ain mythos — 12 tracks hap to perfectly align pinch nan twelve signs of nan zodiac.
Blame it connected a puerility spent huffing nan conifer and committedness of Christmas trees, my friends: the woman has a plan.
The rumor mill is churning and burning pinch trash talk astir nan way list, including nan speculation that “Wood” is astir Travis Kelce’s trouser tree, “Actually Romantic” is simply a menacing diss way aimed at Charli XCX, and “Cancelled!” is simply a kiss-off to Blake Lively.
We’re present to trim nan songs and nan stardust.
In grant of Miss Americana’s latest opus, we’re taking a look astatine nan astrology of nan showgirl. Fun fact: the medium itself is simply a Libra, having been calved into nan world conscionable aft midnight connected this date.
Read connected to spot what ‘TLOAS’ opus sings to nan tone of your zodiac sign.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
“The Fate of Ophelia”
The firstborn motion successful nan zodiac, Aries is cardinal fire, ruled by Mars and calved to pain and unrecorded and emotion astatine measurement 11.
Apropos of this, “The Fate of Ophelia,” nan first way connected “TLOASG” — pinch its references to megaphones, pyromania, “keeping it 100” and interaction sports group against a ceaselessly synth hit — is axenic Aries.
Aries is besides nan motion of nan “I” and nan “ID,” of autonomy and individuation expressed successful nan lyrics, “I swore my loyalty to maine (Me), myself (Myself), and I (I)”
Add to nan operation and nan matches that I’ve yet to meet an Aries without a savior/hero complex, and this bop glorifies really nan correct benignant of emotion from a tin really ray up a sad woman pinch a notebook.
Bonus: Red is nan powerfulness colour of Aries, and successful nan celebrated Pre-Raphaelite coating of Ophelia by John Everett Millais, nan tragic, titular taxable has auburn hair, an creator prime that has inspired countless iterations.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
“Wi$h Li$t”
Taurus lords complete nan 2nd location of values and possessions, wealthiness and worth, and “Wi$h Li$t” sounds for illustration a roster of wanting a mates of kids and a hoops hoop, while diavowing nan tangible equipment that travel up short connected satisfaction: yacht life, Balenci’ shades.
“Please, God, bring maine a champion friend who I deliberation is hot,” sings Tay Tay.
And trust, folks, this is nan existent dream of squad Taurus, a herd that likes to screen their bases and meet their needs successful nan astir businesslike measurement imaginable — preferably without having to time off nan house.
Someone that tin rotation deep, bent tight and get carnal pinch you? Dreams really do travel true.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
“Honey”
Gemini ruled nan 3rd location of connection and exchange, thought and language, poesy and slander, chromatic tongues and trash talk.
In kind, “Honey” explores really nan sound and effect of a connection tin alteration based connected nan personification delivering it.
Presumably, successful nan goatee-framed rima of 1 Travis Kelce, a number of communal pet names (honey, sweetheart) person been reborn and rebranded, from passive-aggressive dismissal to gilded affirmation.
Bless up, chromatic drip.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
“Eldest Daughter”
Never is Swift’s soft and squishy, emotionally sunburned Cancer satellite connected much evident show than successful nan lyrics for “Eldest Daughter.”
Cancer lords complete nan 4th location of roots and foundations. Ruled by nan maternal, moody AF moon, this is simply a motion pinch a imperishable boner for nostalgia; spot puerility crush and trampoline references.
Cancers support an ethos of “preserve and protect,” and their eventual purpose is nan comfortableness and information of their nest and nestmates.
When she sings, “So galore traitors, smooth operators/But I’m ne'er gonna break that vow/I’m nеver gonna time off you now” and later promises “now you’re home” — well, she means it.
Cancer is often depicted arsenic a “soft” sign, but these folks study early connected to protect their delicate underbellies pinch elaborate defenses, a truth Swift acknowledges successful lines for illustration “dying conscionable from trying to look cool” and “dressed up arsenic wolves.”
Happy for Tay Tay that she tin astatine agelong past surrender her faux fur and feigned cool.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
“Actually Romantic”
Allegedly written arsenic a diss track for her erstwhile friend and existent Leo nemesis Charli XCX, “Actually Romantic” sounds for illustration a cocksure emotion missive to haters and violators of nan ineffable covenant of woman code.
All property is bully property to a Leo, and whether you’re calling them names complete a sheet of cocaine aliases singing their praises to nan precocious heavens, it each swirls successful nan aforesaid ego drain.
In effect, getting bedewed complete dislike is big-time large feline energy.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
“CANCELLED!”
The cauldron of nan net is successful a rolling boil pinch the mentation that “CANCELLED!” is astir Swift’s erstwhile pal and problematic quintuple Virgo Blake Lively.
Whiffs of Lively, who has been connected nan cusp of cancellation for years, are threaded passim nan song’s lyrics:
‘Good point I for illustration my friends cancelled / I for illustration ’em cloaked successful Gucci and successful ungraded / Like my whiskey sour / And poison thorny flowers.’
Lean in, ovum hunters and conspiracy courters: Lively served arsenic a marque ambassador for nan Italian luxury manner house’s fragrance, Gucci Première, backmost successful 2012 and 2013.
On that cloaked-in-scandal tip, Lively has been each but swaddled successful it arsenic of late.
See footage of Lively using slurs and being casually cruel to interviewers and costars alike.
And lest we hide that clip she got joined astatine a plantation, launched a manner marque inspired by “the allure” of nan antebellum South, and told Vogue the movie “The Shawshank Redemption” made her laugh.
If we really grasp for nan straws, aliases stems of evidence, nan thorny flowers spot could beryllium a reference to Lively’s floral shop-owning characteristic Lily Bloom from “It Ends With Us.”
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
“Opalite”
This 1 is comparatively straightforward, arsenic large canine Travis Kelce is simply a card-carrying Libra, and opal is nan birthstone of nan group of nan scales and balances.
Libra besides rules nan seventh location of contracts and trusted partnerships, and by default, marriage, making it an apt ode to her groom-to-be.
Indeed, “Opalite” follows nan communicative of personification who “had a bad habit” of uncovering relationships that were “never gonna last,” pinch lyrics astir surviving “with ghosts” and believing they were “haunted” forever.
Until!!!! Life and nan encompassing achromatic of an onyx nighttime are transformed by nan vested powerfulness of opalite.
While opalite is simply a man-made solid designed to replicate nan ethereal glow of opals, possibly there’s immoderate poesy successful Swift’s determination to sub nan earthy for nan unnatural, arsenic her ain happiness appears to beryllium Kelce-crafted and beyond nan bounds of nature.
He, of course, counts “Opalite” arsenic his favourite ‘TLOAG’ track.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
“Wood”
In position of nan quality body, Scorpio rules nan genitalia, and this 1 is simply a nonstop ode to Travis Kelce’s, well, wood — comparing it to an old-growth wood and a magical instrument.
Scoprio rules nan eighth location of decease and rebirth and is associated pinch nan period of nan underworld, and successful this ditty, Swift invokes each mode of shadows and superstitions from sidewalk cracks to achromatic cats, crossed fingers and phallic wands.
“Forgive me, it sounds cocky / He (ah!)matized [d–kmatized] maine / And opened my eyes / Redwood character / It ain’t difficult to spot / His emotion was nan cardinal / That opened my thighs.”
Talk astir big-D energy.
In taxable and d–k reference, nan song, for illustration nan sign, is astir arsenic subtle arsenic a foghorn.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
“Ruin nan Friendship”
Sagittarius, pinch their expansive, optimistic joie de vivre energy, are nan perpetual teenagers of nan zodiac, ever surviving successful and from nan halcyon precipice of adulthood.
Enter “Ruin nan Friendship,” a lament astir what could person been betwixt 2 precocious schoolhouse friends.
Ruled by bully luck and bully times, satellite Jupiter, Sag people are much apt to sprout their changeable than ramble successful regret, but nan lyrics astir driving accelerated and miles wide smiles reek of archer wistfulness.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
“Father Figure”
Ruled by punishing satellite Saturn — lord of time, nan agelong game, nan difficult knocks and nan beatified grind — Capricorn is nan uncontested daddy of nan zodiac, and thing screams bad and bougie pater familias for illustration condescension, brownish liquor, profits, picking up nan tab, protecting an empire, and destroying a disloyal protogee, each successful nan sanction of family, folks.
Bonus points, successful nan Major Arcana of nan Tarot, Capricorn is represented by The Devil card, and our acheronian lord gets sanction -hecked and d–k-measured successful this one.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
“The Life of a Showgirl”
Aquarius rules nan 11th location of friends, and Swift brings successful her pal Sabrina Carpenter connected this 1 to singing astir nan pitfalls of nan shape life and really you person to waste and acquisition nan softness of kittens and nan sweetness of peaches for ice-cold veins to make it successful nan game.
As a fixed aerial sign, Aquarians are emphatic/eccentric astir their belief systems, making them nan charismatic cult leaders of nan zodiac; each clout, nary doubt, folks.
As Swift sings, “The bitches/Who wish I’d hurry up and die/But I’m immortal now, babe dolls/I couldn’t if I tried.”
Right on, correct on, rhinestone messiah.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
“Elizabeth Taylor”
Ruled by Neptune, Pisces is nan motion of imagination and escape, and flight done fantasy. In a akin crippled of dream association, Swift has a agelong history of aligning her life pinch that of glamorous women who person lived, loved, and died earlier her.
On “TLOASG,” she invokes nan violet eyes of apex Pisces Elizabeth and dares to dream of a everlastingly person (the aforesaid tiny, frayed stuffed animal dream harbored successful nan bosom of each Pisces).
Pisces is besides nan motion of delusion, and our woman has gotten immoderate blowback for this one, pinch detractors accusing nan singer of being “tone deaf” and “cosplaying nan struggle” successful these and different lyrics.
Sidenote: If Swift were to sanction her adjacent medium “Cosplaying nan Struggle,” she would, successful my mind, person reached unmatched heights of menace.
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports connected planetary configurations and their effect connected each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes merge history, poetry, popular culture, and individual experience. To book a reading, visit her website.
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